


Declaration

by cuubism



Series: Tumblr Prompts [3]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Secret Relationship, almost breakup, extreme melodrama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:01:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26022343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuubism/pseuds/cuubism
Summary: Something in Alec’s chest breaks. “Youthink?Youthinkyou love me?” Magnus opens his mouth to speak, but Alec doesn’t let him. “You aren’t evensureand you want me to keep torturing myself?” He might be crying. “Magnus, I’ve been in love with you formonths.Months, and you— you’re figuring this out now? You’re figuring outnowthat this means something to you?”
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Tumblr Prompts [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1887421
Comments: 13
Kudos: 200





	Declaration

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Intangibel (duskbutterfly)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/duskbutterfly/gifts).



> prompt by @intangibel on tumblr:
>
>> Malec & “I think I’m in love with you.” followed by: ”you /think/ you love me? What, you're not sure but you want me to put myself out there?” because I feel like they both have so much to lose in some ways and they're both so burnt by past experiences but both have so much capacity for those amazing, bluntly beautiful I love you speeches when pushed to it.

“Alec. Alec, wait.”

Alec doesn’t wait. He’s not sure Magnus deserves for him to wait. He’s not sure how much longer he _can_ wait.

“Alexander!”

Alec stops. Damn it, he’s anything but immune to that voice.

Magnus’s hand wraps around his arm and he slowly turns him around. Alec stares somewhere over his shoulder. If he looks directly into Magnus’s eyes he won’t be able to hold his ground.

“What _happened_ in there?” Magnus asks. “I’ve never seen you just… _shut down_ like that.”

“Why don’t you think on it.”

Alec turns to storm off again, because he can feel the warmth of Magnus’s touch breaking down his resolve. He just wants to go sulk on his own, somewhere Magnus can’t see it.

Magnus’s grip tightens on his arm. “ _Don’t_ walk away from me.”

His tone is sharp, offended, but under that—hurt. Alec sags in defeat.

“You didn’t have to attack me in the meeting like that.”

Magnus blinks in confusion. “I thought—that was our _plan._ Show opposition in front of others so that they won’t suspect—”

“ _Opposition_ , sure. That doesn’t mean we have to be _enemies._ I can’t—” Alec has to pause and swallow roughly to regain his composure, “I can’t handle being your enemy, Magnus.”

“Oh, darling.” It’s like Magnus knows Alec will cave to the gentleness of his voice. He cups Alec’s cheek. “You know it’s just an act.”

“Sometimes it doesn’t feel like an act,” Alec says, leaning into Magnus’s palm. “I know you think it’s the only way— the only way we can make real change, but I— I’m not sure how much more of this I can take.”

Magnus’s hand stills where he’d been soothing a thumb across Alec’s cheek. “What are you saying?”

Alec pulls away, trying not to mourn the loss of Magnus’s touch, the last he’ll probably feel of it for a while—if not ever. The thought makes something dangerous swoop in his stomach, like the first moment of realization when a demon’s claw catches in his skin. 

But he’s not actually sure that would hurt more than where he’s currently at. And he’s made his decision.

“I need a break.”

_“Alec_. _”_ Magnus sounds unbalanced, like he’s missed a step on a flight of stairs. He reaches for Alec, but Alec steps back and out of his space.

“I’m _sorry_.” His voice breaks. “But I just can’t— I can’t _do_ this anymore. I can’t lie about you. I can’t treat you like an enemy. At least if we weren’t—together—” he has to pause to take a breath— “it wouldn’t be a lie.”

“Don’t do this,” Magnus says quietly. He looks kind of lost, standing there in the Institute corridor. Alec can barely stand to look at him. “Alexander, don’t do this.”

“I _have_ to.” Alec needs him to understand. He couldn’t bear it if Magnus hated him over this. “Magnus, I’m going insane.”

“But I—” Alec hates hearing his normally sure boyfriend—ex-boyfriend?—sound so unsure of himself. “I think I’m falling in love with you.”

Something in Alec’s chest breaks. “You _think?_ You _think_ you love me?” Magnus opens his mouth to speak, but Alec doesn’t let him. “You aren’t even _sure_ and you want me to keep torturing myself?” He might be crying. “Magnus, I’ve been in love with you for _months._ Months, and you— you’re figuring this out now? You’re figuring out _now_ that this means something to you?” He’s definitely yelling, and in the middle of the damn Institute, but Alec suddenly finds he doesn’t care. Magnus makes his heart hurt so much that nothing else seems to matter anymore.

Alec knows right then that he isn’t going to give him up, not really, knows it even before Magnus wraps his hands around the back of his neck and yanks him down into a kiss.

Alec melts into his lips with a whimper, desperate for him after being at each other’s throats in that Council meeting, after almost walking away. They’ve never kissed in the Institute, but if this is Magnus’s declaration, that he wants Alec for _real_ , no more pretending and consequences be damned, well then—it’s one hell of a declaration.

He’s _really_ kissing him, and his hands have slid from his neck to lay flat against Alec’s chest. Alec takes a light hold of his hips and walks him back until Magnus’s back is to the wall, and he groans as Alec deepens the kiss.

How did he ever think he could give this up? Kissing Magnus is like breathing, feeling him against his body is like coming alive again, and Alec wants to hold Magnus safely here even as he wants to shout to the entire Shadow World, _look at my boyfriend, isn’t he incredible?_

Loving Magnus in secret is better than not loving him at all.

Finally, Magnus breaks the kiss to take a breath. “You— you never said.”

“How could I _say_ that?” Alec asks, panting. They’re still very close together, and his lips are still tingling with the feeling of Magnus’s kiss. “How could I say that when you— never mind, it doesn’t matter.”

Magnus runs his thumb across Alec’s bottom lip. “Everything you feel matters to me, my darling. I— I must confess I’ve been in love with you for a very long time.” He looks away, playing with his ear. “But I didn’t want to overwhelm you.”

Alec’s chest feels like it could burst from how much he loves this man, but he settles for just pulling him into a hug. Magnus’s arms wrap around him, tentative like he still isn’t quite sure this is really happening, that Alec really isn’t going anywhere. 

“So, what does this mean?” he asks. “Are we… coming clean?”

“No, right now we’re going home to have ‘we’re in love’ sex,” Alec says, and Magnus laughs. “But then…” The thought is almost overwhelming, being able to love Magnus in the open. It’s like stepping into the daylight for the first time, and Alec is so ready to be warm.

“Yeah. I guess we’re coming clean.”

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](cuubism.tumblr.com) :) send prompts if you want!


End file.
